Hawk




It's Summertime

It's summertime! All the kids are out of school.  I see them playing in in the streets, at the park, and at the pool.  To be honest,  I'm a little jealous.   Remember the summer days when you were young? Too young to work, but old enough to be bored at home.  Roaming the streets on your bike.  Spending your allowance on candy and movies.  I can even hear the ice cream truck.  What a great  feeling.  What I wouldn't give for a day like that now!  Can you imagine?  What if, for just one summer day you could be a kid again.  Wouldn't that be great?!  No responsibilities.  No stress.  No bills.  No plans.   Just a day to sleep in, swim at the pool, play at the mall,  ride on the handlebars of your friend's bike.  Kids don't realize how great they have it during the summer.  Honestly,  what do they have to worry about?  Those days are short-lived.  Before they know it, they'll be grown up and facing the real world.  Right now you're probably sitting at work, in your office or at home, stressing about bills or your job...or something very adult-ish.   What would you give for the day off?  One day as a kid in the summer. I say we take it.  I say we take the day off just to play.  Do it...do it now!  Go get some ice cream!  Take off your shoes! Run in the sprinklers!  Eat candy until you're sick!  See you at the pool!  CANNONBALL !!!!
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Put Some Clothes On

 
 
  We'll, it finally happened.  I saw my Mother-in-law in her bathing suit.  I'm gonna have to slaughter a pig to get that image out of my mind.  You know we have been known to use her varicose veins as  a road map on vacation a few times..... hehe.  After I saw her I started to think of a few people I would not want to see in a bikini, bathing suit or Speedo.  Here are just a few: Donald Trump, Oprah, Paula (put some butter on it) Dean,  Kevin James, Tom from the Hawk and Tom Show  and Betty White.  We'll with Betty White it might be funny for an SNL show.  To be honest I ain't that pretty myself in a Speedo.  This has been a public service announcement from the Better Bikini Bureau of South Carolina.  Be careful at the beach, pool and lake this bathing suit season. 
 
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Topics : Human Interest
Locations : South Carolina
People : Betty WhiteKevin JamesTom Show




 

Shopping on T.V.

The other night I couldn't sleep. So in the middle of the night I got up and I turned the tv on.  It seemed like a good idea at the time.  There really wasn't much on, a few lousy movies and about a hundred infomercials.  I usually just turn past the infomercials but for whatever reason I didn't. I started watching and before long I was captivated.  So many products!  Medicines, facial cleansers, kitchen gadgets, cleaning supplies... you name it, they were selling it.  It was fascinating!  Maybe it was the late night or the lack of sleep but I found myself wanting EVERY item I saw. It was like all reason flew out the window. Suddenly, I NEEDED things I had never even considered buying before.  A knife that cuts a penny--how have I lived this long without one?  A bio- degradable cleaner so natural, you can drink it!  Amazing....and handy!  I don't have a problem with my complexion but I was even convinced I needed the facial cleansers, just in case.  And who wouldn't want a Hoveround?!  Have you seen how that thing handles corners?  It was like I was in a buyers trance, and I have no idea how long it lasted.  I woke up that morning with my phone and credit card in my hand. I don't remember much about the evening but something tells me I'm already done Christmas shopping. 

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Don't Shave

Have you heard? It’s No Shave November-- or as I call it ‘Noshember’. If you don’t know what it is, it’s a ban on shaving for the month of November. I’m really excited because I hate shaving my legs anyway. (I was going to type “hehe” here, but my wife informed me that only girls use “hehe”). Hey, if the beard looks cool, I might keep growing it and go with The Year Beard. That’s right, no shaving for a year. I’d be sporting the mountain man look. My wife always says I look hot with a 5 o’clock shadow. You know, kinda like the George Michael look from the 80’s and 90’s. Wow, did I just admit that I think George Michael is hot? Ok moving on, I posted my picture on facebook, my Mom saw it, thought it was for a good cause, and now she is participating also! She didn’t tell me what body part she chose to not shave but I’m guessing her underarms... ewww. I hope you are participating too. Tell your friends and relatives. Tell everyone on facebook and let’s be the hairiest state in the South! We probably already are but anyway........
 
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Put so clothes on Granny

We'll, it finally happened.  I saw my Mother-in-law in her bathing suit.  I'm gonna have to slaughter a pig to get that image out of my mind.  You know we have been known to use her varicose veins as  a road map on vacation a few times..... hehe.  After I saw her I started to think of a few people I would not want to see in a bikini, bathing suit or Speedo.  Here are just a few: Donald Trump, Oprah, Paula (put some butter on it) Dean,  Kevin James, Tom from the Hawk and Tom Show  and Betty White.  We'll with Betty White it might be funny for an SNL show.  To be honest I ain't that pretty myself in a Speedo.  This has been a public service announcement from the Better Bikini Bureau of South Carolina.  Be careful at the beach, pool and lake this bathing suit season.
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I'm Feelin' Gassy

Gas prices are outrageous.  They are higher than Charlie Sheen on a winning streak!  You know gas prices are high when the gas stations are offering free anger management classes with a fill up. Heck, for mother's day my mother wanted something expensive so I just bought her a tank of gas.   I'm trying to think of ways to use less gas.  I've even considered a motorcycle but every time I ride one, I have to stop and brush the bugs out of my teeth when I get there. Really, when are the prices going down?  The worst part about it is every time I borrow my wife's car, there isn't any gas in the tank. I know she does this on purpose. She drives an SUV, and the other day I had to take out a small loan from the bank just to fill it up!  I'll show those gas companies, I'll stop buying gas! (By the way, I need a ride to work tomorrow.). Sorry to complain.
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Squirrels are driving me nuts

Squirrels in my attic?  Are you kidding me?  Sitting alone upstairs I heard and interesting noise the other day. It sounded like scratching on my ceiling. I though at first it was probably a little mouse.  I stood on the chair and banged on the ceiling only to hear the creepy sound of something much bigger scurrying away. So now I'm thinking squirrel, not mouse. Since there is no access to this part of my attic, I'm actually having to hire a carpenter to come in and make a hole into the attic to catch whatever it is that has already made a hole into my attic.  I've heard of roach motels... I wonder if they have squirrel motels?  How about those fly strips for squirrels? Well, Im off in search of these things.  I will keep you posted.....
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Having trouble parenting

So my son can now get out of his crib.   It's all over now.  He is no longer confined.  Now I have the problem of a 2 year old on the loose at nap-time and night time.  I'm trying to figure out how to keep him safe and locked down.   A few ideas from some friends who listen to the show:   Electric shock collar and invisible fence.  Barbed wire.  Turn the crib upside down and make a cage. Zip him up in a tent....to name a few.  I really could use some help.  Looking at that list makes me worry.  I will say he is quite talented.  His getting out of bed is done with flair and almost always sticks the landing.   This climbing And diving phase me well give me a heart attack before it's over!   Please someone tell me this is short-lived.  I guess this is preparing me for his teenage years when he sneaks out of bed and meets his friends.  All this is giving me so much anxiety.  I think I've mulled this over long enough so like always, I'll just do the responsible thing and let his mom worry about
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Is my son a crazy

My son has become attached to an orange.  Yeah, the fruit.  Is that strange?  He won't put it down.  He plays with it all day.  He, of course,  has all kinds of toys to play with, books to read, and stuffed animals....but he chooses an orange.  At first, I tried to hide it from him but that didn't work.  He can climb up on the counter and find it anywhere.  It's kind of embarrassing in public.  He has to have it with him all the time.  He carries it in the car, into the store, and even to bed!  He won't let it go.  I've had to switch it out every few days when it starts to go bad.  It's like his little buddy.   He gets confused at the grocery store seeing so many other oranges.  It's much worse than the toy isle, and forces me to skip the produce section entirely when he is with me.  If this continues, I could save all kinds of money.  For his next birthday.... A fruit basket!
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Superbowl Diet

 This weekend is the Super Bowl.  I'm excited. Packers and Steelers.  What a great game that will be.  Super Bowl parties are the best.  It's almost like a holiday.  In fact, I think it should be a national holiday.  And I think we should get the following monday off work....either that or we can all call in sick.  (I would but I did that for the last 3 years and I think they are catching on.)  If you haven't already, It's a wonderful opportunity to beak any New Year's dieting resolution.  The Super Bowl is the one time a year when you can actually call sausage cheese dip a meal.  And how about the half time show?  Ever since the wardrobe malfunction with Janet (Miss Jackson, if you're nasty) we've had entertainment from nursing homes-- Old guys like Rolling Stones and Springsteen.  I guess they've played it safe long enough and now they're ready to take a risk.  Have they not seen a Black Eyed Peas concert?  C'mon.  Most of Fergie's wardrobe is a malfunction to begin with.   Have fun watching the game
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